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What Some People Get Wrong About Forgiveness
Challenging the beliefs that some mental health professionals and trauma survivors have about the concept of forgiveness.
I am a survivor of bullying, neglect, and childhood emotional and physical abuse. I consider forgiveness an essential part of my healing journey. So I am surprised to see several articles by mental health professionals and trauma survivors proclaiming that forgiveness is unnecessary for recovery from trauma. Is this true? I decided to explore this information to test whether their arguments against pardoning others hold water.
Defining Forgiveness
For me, forgiveness means letting go of all the anger and hurt I had towards my verbally and physically abusive parents, school bullies, and others. Perpetrators no longer had the power to invade my thought life or trigger me into simmering anger. I feel happy and at peace. In some cases, I can have healthy relationships with people who have injured me in the past.
Some victims hold on to anger instead of pardoning others, believing that not forgiving punishes the perpetrators. They want to be reminded that offenders are not trustworthy and harmful to protect themselves from future emotional pain. However, in many cases, raging away does not do anything to perpetrators.
