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Living With an Over-Sensitivity to Sounds: Misophonia
From an early age, I had a secret that I wished would go away. Sounds associated with eating and drinking drove me crazy. People slurping or chewing could send me into an angry frenzy. The sound of cracking gum felt like a physical violation of my personal space. Other sounds like clicking pens and heavy breathing could also irritate me. My anxiety and stress levels went up during these episodes.
I often reacted to triggers by giving the offender dirty looks or intense staring and frowning. I could not seem to control myself and would become frustrated. What was wrong with me? I felt guilt and shame for showing my negative feelings, and I despised myself for my lack of self-control.
I tried to find an explanation for my behavior. My mother was strict about proper mealtime etiquette: no slurping soup or beverages, chewing quietly with your mouth closed, and no stuffing your cheeks with food. Did that make me super sensitive to the bad table manners of others?
Another potential explanation was an extreme reaction to what I perceived as violating my personal space. I experienced bullying and physical abuse as a child and became angry when I felt someone had invaded my space. Another more scary possibility was that I had some form of mental illness. What was wrong with me?
